Historic Inaugural Training — September 2012

On the weekend of September 7th & 8th, 2012, a new era of estate planning was launched when 34 professionals met for the first-ever Collaborative Practice Trusts & Estates Training in Silicon Valley, California. Building on the pioneering work of Collaborative Divorce, Collaborative Trusts & Estates is now available to assist families in dealing with trust, communication and financial issues in the context of the inter-generational transfer of wealth and values.

Led by well-known Collaborative Practice experts Nancy Ross, Alan Nobler and Cathy Daigle, the training covered the practical, ethical, and communication skills needed by practitioners to assist families in one of the most complex and challenging transitions any of us will ever face. Attendees, some from as far away as Arizona and Canada, had the opportunity to observe and participate in role-playing that brought the dynamics and complexities of typical family life as it relates to the hopes, dreams, fears and concerns of elders and younger generations into sharp relief.

The sense of being on the cutting edge of new possibilities was palpable in the room from the very beginning, and at the end, course participants stayed for informal discussions and camaraderie. “Of all of the Collaborative Trainings I’ve ever been a part of,” Nancy Ross shared, “this one was the first one where nobody wanted to leave when the training was over!” As with any new discipline, there is still work to be done, refining, testing, and further refining the practice and application of this new area of practice, but the participants seemed up to the task, and ready to spread the word. Ross pointed out that the Silicon Valley Practice Group feels no proprietary ownership of the course material; in fact, she hoped that the material developed for the course would be used by other Collaborative Practice groups in the U.S. and elsewhere.

Collaborative practice turns the traditional model of “I’m the professional, and I know what’s best for you” on its head, by placing the family firmly in charge of its own goals and destiny. The expertise of professionals from disciplines as diverse as law, finance and psychology must learn to put aside their own agendas, and operate as a team. That teamwork can be a challenge, especially for high-powered professionals, but it’s also an opportunity to taste the transformation that families experience as they learn to work together and cooperate.

The results can be surprising. Ross says that most divorcing spouses that utilize the Collaborative Divorce method of alternative dispute resolution wind up remaining friends, which is far different from the norm. What’s possible, perhaps predictable, is that future generations in families where Collaborative Estates has been used will remain more cohesive, connected and stable. What will that mean in terms of the success and satisfaction of generations to come? One can imagine that the benefits will ripple far out in time and in the world.

Whatever shape Collaborative Estates & Trusts will take is now in the hands of 34 inspired professionals. If the current planning and passion evident in Silicon Valley is any indication, we can expect to hear a lot more from this group in the future.

A Revolutionary Approach for Families and Wealth

How much would it mean to you to experience the joy of seeing your family happy, healthy and thriving?  What if each member felt connected and heard, and found the mentoring and support to reach his or her potential?  What if you and your family had the tools, knowledge and support to open doors to possibilities you never thought possible — both now, and for generations to come?

Nothing is more central to most people’s lives than family.  Family relationships are full of challenges and opportunities, hopes and disappointments, and encompass our past and our future.  While there are a few exceptional families in which everything seems to go smoothly, almost every family has some internal conflict and difficult family members, based on our experience.  Dealing with the emotions and demands can seem overwhelming.  Avoiding conversations is understandable, but unfortunately often leads to a deepening of divisions, and a host of lost opportunities.

Now, add money and inheritances into the mix.  Things get extremely complicated very quickly!  But, because money is inextricably intertwined in the fabric of our lives and relationships, it also provides a perfect springboard into conversations that can bring families together, creating a better future and a better “now.”

Collaborative Practice Trusts & Estates literally transforms the way families plan for — and deal with — inter-generational wealth issues.  Based on the proven structure and principles of Collaborative Practice developed over the past twenty years, Collaborative Practice Trusts & Estates provides a robust and powerful framework for supporting families in building unity and determining their own destinies by leveraging professional, interdisciplinary teamwork and protocols. 

The benefits of Collaborative Practice Trusts & Estates are incalculable, and include:

• For the first time, a structured, inter-disciplinary team approach to estate planning, based on Collaborative Practice, the highly successful model that has proven itself time and again in resolving challenging family conflicts and ameliorating the destructive impact of our adversarial court system on families and children;
• Support for families in all of the complex areas that can arise in estate planning and administration, including interpersonal communication, legal issues and document preparation, financial and business issues, eldercare and geriatric issues, trust administration, and more;
• An inclusive, transparent approach that reduces conflict and engenders harmony, increasing the likelihood that family members willcooperateand thrive, both now and for succeeding generations;
• Reduced financial and emotional costs of estate disputes and conflict;
• Substantive assistance and support during planning and implementation phases of estate planning.

The Collaborative Practice Trusts & Estates structure creates a safe and supportive environment in which families are able to create futures together.   Essential elements of the process include trust, transparency and the support of expert coaching in diverse and complex disciplines.  Highly trained professionals from the fields of law and estate planning, communications, counseling, personal finance, eldercare, trusts and administration, work together as one team to support the family.  Think of it as a Cadillac® experience that encourages optimal outcomes and the promulgation of family values, while pampering the family with the care and support of skilled experts who are focused on the family’s interests — not their own.  The irony is that this “Cadillac” often saves families a lot of money in the long run!

We’ve talked to numerous estate planning attorneys and others who have invested considerable time and energy into the dream of family communication and harmony in estate planning, yet until now, the results have been limited and disappointing.  However, it’s clear that the Collaborative Practice structure provides the missing framework to bring a true revolution to this sadly underserved area of wealth planning, even when conflict and tough emotions are involved.

What we do has an impact not only on our own lives, but also on the people around us, our communities, and the future. Why not act consciously and deliberately to make a positive difference?  Collaborative Practice takes skilled and knowledgeable professionals, and gives them the structure and tools needed to have an impact far beyond what our traditional training and approaches normally produce.  Often, family transformations are surprisingly quick and easy to achieve, and once the tide shifts, the results can seem miraculous.

In early September, Collaborative Practice of Silicon Valley (www.cpsv.us) will be offering the very first professional training, and this is a great opportunity for other advisors — including estate planning attorneys, psychologists, and financial professionals — to participate and learn about this powerful, new approach.  They (and you) can learn more, and even download a training flyer, at www.CollaborativeEstates.org.

We look forward to sharing more with you, and will certainly keep you informed about this exciting, new opportunity going forward!

— Contributed by Peter W. Johnson, Jr., Principal at PWJohnson Wealth Management

FAQ about Collaborative Practice

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What is Collaborative Practice?

Collaborative Practice offers families the opportunity to work together as a team to form a positive, humane and solutions-based approach to resolving their conflicts, whether the conflict is incident to a divorce or the management or distribution of an estate.  You won’t see this on T.V. or in the movies because we work as a team to resolve conflicts rather than enlarge them.

How is it different from conventional or traditional dispute resolution?

Collaborative Practice is different three important respects:

* The parties and attorneys pledge in writing to focus on solutions, not going to court.

* Face-to-face discussions between the parties and team members lead to an agreement.

* The parties (YOU) get to make the decisions – not a judge.

What is this team?

Depending on the situation, we may have a financial planner, family communication specialists, child specialists, or an elder specialist to work with you and your attorney(s) to find the best solutions.  The whole family is part of the same team, not opposing teams.

•  In sports, different players may vie for more playing time, but they want the same team to win.
• In orchestras, different players of the same instrument may compete for position, but they want their music together to be beautiful.
• Republicans and Democrats do not see themselves as part of the same team.  We don’t want the families we work with to wind up like that.

Doesn’t a team of professionals make Collaborative Practice more expensive?

You would think that adding more professionals will make your case more expensive.  In fact, it may.  But the combined experience of those of us who have been doing this for many years is that the total expense is less because:

* You will learn new conflict resolution skills that will help you avoid further conflict within the family.

* In Court, when a Judge makes a decision, someone usually feels that there is a winner and a loser.  When you make your own decisions on resolution, it is something you agree you can live with.

* There are fewer requests to modify or change the resolution.  Having been doing this work for 20 years, I have only had a few cases come back for “adjustments,” and those have been accomplished with very little time and effort.  During 30 years of litigation practice, I found the adjustments were, many times, more expensive than the initial case.

* Peace.  We have learned that a deeper peace is possible when parties work together to resolve their conflicts and not depend on an outsider to their family to impose a solution.

* Legacy.  What is the model for dispute resolution we want for our children and family members?  How do we teach our children to resolve their conflicts?  We start out by saying, “work it out!” and, “no hitting, biting, or kicking!”  And we frequently say, “The Principal can’t always solve your problems, you have to solve your problems.”  Collaborative Practice helps parties solve the problems themselves.

Is it for you?

Family disputes are highly personal, and no one approach is right for everyone. Many families, however, have found that Collaborative Practice is a welcome alternative to the potentially destructive aspects of a conventional divorce or estate dispute. To determine if Collaborative Practice is right for you, ask yourself if these values are important:

* Maintaining an atmosphere of respect, even in the presence of disagreements.

* Prioritizing the needs of all family members.

* Listening objectively to the other parties’ needs, fully expecting that your own needs will be given equal consideration.

* Working creatively and cooperatively to resolve concerns.

* Seeing beyond the frustration and pain of the present moment to plan for the future.

* Behaving in an ethical manner within your family.

* Keeping control of the process with you and your family member(s), and not relegating it to the court system.

If you can affirm these basic principles, it is likely that Collaborative Practice would be a viable option for you. Talk to a Collaborative Professional for a more in-depth determination based on your individual situation.

It is NOT for you if:

* You really have no interest sitting down with your children/siblings/other family members.

* It is important to you to see the other party(ies) punished in some way by an authority figure.  Many people have been wronged in relationships and simply cannot move on without having a Judge say something about what happened, mainly to place blame.  While there are cases where this happens, too frequently it does not and an estate is dissipated by the litigation process.

* You are unwilling to share fully and openly the information necessary for good decision making.

More about the team.

* LAWYERS.  Collaborative Practice is rarely taught in law school.  In fact, the entire paradigm of Collaboration is contrary to what lawyers were taught.  Collaboratively trained lawyers have learned to work together on behalf of the parties.  They know that when everybody is comfortable with a solution, it means that the parties have seen the solution from all sides of the conflict.

*  Family Communication Specialists : Often, families have stopped communicating with each other beyond a superficial level.  Anything more leads to fights.  Our FCS’s  work with parties to talk about their situations in a way that doesn’t “inflame” the conflict (push buttons).  They also prepare parties to “hear” and understand what is driving the other party(ies) in the conflict and help families actually resolve what seemed “unsolvable.”

* FINANCIAL SPECIALISTS.  While you may even have your own financial planner, our specialists have been trained to be neutral and gather the information that will allow creativity in forming solutions to divorce and estate conflicts.  Neutrality is an important point to remember; the financial specialist is often the only neutral person in the room.  So, projections made by the financial specialist are generally more easily accepted and understood by everybody.

* CHILD SPECIALISTS.  In a divorce, parties often disagree as to what to do with the children.  When that happens, a child specialist may help everybody understand what the children’s needs are in order to fashion a solution.  We don’t want to bring the children into the room, so the specialist can be their voice.

* ELDERCARE SPECIALISTS.  In an estate dispute, there is often somebody who has special needs due to age or infirmity.  They may not even be able to recognize their own short-term requirements, let alone long-term needs.  The elder specialist may help with concerns about competency and special needs for both minors and adult children.  The Eldercare Specialist may also be invaluable to the family in providing information regarding resources and strategies for communicating with a parent who is not able or willing to act in his/her own best interest.

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How Collaborative Planning Works

Collaborative planning is based on a team concept. A professional team with expertise in several areas of practice is assembled based on the needs of the particular family in question. Think of it as your own, personal “dream team,” assembled not to push someone else’s agenda, but to support you and your family in creating your own, together. The cost is reasonable and quick, and you don’t have to do it alone!

What is Collaborative Estate Planning?

We are all familiar with the movie scene in which the attorney reads the will of the deceased to the gathered family. Inevitably, there are surprises, drama, and disappointments. Family tensions rise, relationships are damaged, and too often, battles ensue.

Unfortunately, much the same thing often happens in real life. Children and heirs are ill prepared to deal with their inheritance. And too often they have no idea what the actual intentions of the dearly departed actually were. In the midst of their grief, family members are left to sort through big questions about life, love and relationships on their own, and it’s a fertile breeding ground for mistrust, disappointment and worse.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Families can work together to train and mentor the next generation, encourage and equip them to pursue their passions, and share values that will serve them throughout their lives. With openness and transparency, families build trust, strength and bonds that will assist the next generation not just to survive, but to thrive.

Even in cases where planning is not done prior to a death, a team approach to solving family conflicts can often lead to happy and healthy outcomes for surviving family members.Although a few brave people have dreamed of an estate planning process that brings families together, in practice it is rarely achieved. The discipline of the Collaborative Practice model, which has been successfully used for years in divorce cases, provides the tools necessary to bring about true family harmony, strength, and a setting in which family values can be successfully transmitted to the next generation.